is this really what you would do?

 i can't sleep, so just reading on internet. won't be long and i'll be home.  not sure how it will feel....good, but strange to be back into a routine that isn't challenging me daily.  how will i respond?  what will i do different?  will I do anything different?  no answers to these questions yet.  i'll go sit in my sewing room and stare out the window and ask God, what now?  i asked my jenni ..."did you feel like that when you got back from ethiopia?" she had just gotten married and had so much to look forward to....a new life with the man God had given her.   i have the same.  i'm so blessed.  blessed more than i deserve.  it's all very mindboggling.  daily i walk past little children who live on the street who smile and beg becuz someone owns them and that's what they are told to do.  and i am told not to give them anything becuz it will only perpetuate the problem.  so i wince and say outloud...i'm so sorry, jesus...is this really what you would do?  living in one culture and visiting and working in another, for a space in time, rattles all that we take for granted.